How to tell if you are a Yankee
Even though this has gone around cyberspace a few times, it gets better every trip around. So, I thought I'd post it here for "educational purposes." Have a Dixie Day!
YOU MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF:
1. Your wife opens the door for you.
2. You let doors slam in anyone’s face (male or female).
3. You think dinner and supper are the same meal.
4. Your philosophy is "there oughta be a law."
5. You escape high taxes in the North and vote to raise them in the South.
6. Your socks match your "outfit."
7. You're a winter resident of "Floorida."
8. What's on TV tonight is important.
9. Who won the academy awards is news.
10. You believe your newspaper contains news.
11. Y'all is one person.
12. You wave at the lady with the flat tire.
13. You consider yourself a "progressive" instead of a nosy, busybody do-gooder.
14. You talk through your nose.
15. You fall for a Southern used car salesman turned president.
16. You're patriotic no matter what the government does.
17. You're offended by Southern symbols in the South.
18. You talk with your mouth full.
19. Your parents never taught you to say “thank you.”
20. You think addressing your elders as “Sir” and “Ma’am” will hurt your self esteem.
21. You consider your car a status symbol.
22. You take the Wall Street Journal so your neighbors will see it in your driveway.
23. You call everyone “guys.”
24. When you want others to think you’ve done something extraordinary, you holler, “Yesssss!”
YOU'RE A D---YANKEE IF:
1. You think you live in a free country.
2. You truly believe that Abe Lincoln freed anyone, anywhere.
3. You think it was “for the best” that the North won the War for Southern Independence.
4. You consider the citizens of the Confederacy to have been traitors to the US.
5. You see nothing at all wrong with the Union Army attacking the South and the Union Navy blockading Southern ports.
6. You think you have a right to tell Southerners how to live, and if they don’t agree, to force them.
7. You think it’s funny to depict Southerners as ignorant, slack-jawed, buck-toothed, inbred, violent, backwoods, beer-swilling, potbellied rednecks who just need to lighten-up and learn how to laugh at themselves.
8. You cannot fathom why Southerners would not want to keep company with you.
9. There’s some part of the statement, “Leave us the h--- alone!” that you just can’t grasp.
10. You think our struggle for independence from you people is over.
YOU MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF:
1. Your wife opens the door for you.
2. You let doors slam in anyone’s face (male or female).
3. You think dinner and supper are the same meal.
4. Your philosophy is "there oughta be a law."
5. You escape high taxes in the North and vote to raise them in the South.
6. Your socks match your "outfit."
7. You're a winter resident of "Floorida."
8. What's on TV tonight is important.
9. Who won the academy awards is news.
10. You believe your newspaper contains news.
11. Y'all is one person.
12. You wave at the lady with the flat tire.
13. You consider yourself a "progressive" instead of a nosy, busybody do-gooder.
14. You talk through your nose.
15. You fall for a Southern used car salesman turned president.
16. You're patriotic no matter what the government does.
17. You're offended by Southern symbols in the South.
18. You talk with your mouth full.
19. Your parents never taught you to say “thank you.”
20. You think addressing your elders as “Sir” and “Ma’am” will hurt your self esteem.
21. You consider your car a status symbol.
22. You take the Wall Street Journal so your neighbors will see it in your driveway.
23. You call everyone “guys.”
24. When you want others to think you’ve done something extraordinary, you holler, “Yesssss!”
YOU'RE A D---YANKEE IF:
1. You think you live in a free country.
2. You truly believe that Abe Lincoln freed anyone, anywhere.
3. You think it was “for the best” that the North won the War for Southern Independence.
4. You consider the citizens of the Confederacy to have been traitors to the US.
5. You see nothing at all wrong with the Union Army attacking the South and the Union Navy blockading Southern ports.
6. You think you have a right to tell Southerners how to live, and if they don’t agree, to force them.
7. You think it’s funny to depict Southerners as ignorant, slack-jawed, buck-toothed, inbred, violent, backwoods, beer-swilling, potbellied rednecks who just need to lighten-up and learn how to laugh at themselves.
8. You cannot fathom why Southerners would not want to keep company with you.
9. There’s some part of the statement, “Leave us the h--- alone!” that you just can’t grasp.
10. You think our struggle for independence from you people is over.
Labels: humour, political correctness, yankee
posted by Dessie aka Dixiegirl 4 Him | 9:24 PM
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